You Got Served
I do not own Twilight or Marvel.
A/N: This merely contains a character from Iron Man 3. There will be NO MANDARIN in this story. Bear with me, lol. Keep in mind everything is AU and I’m not following any particular timeframe or storyline from the games, comics, or movies. Just doing my own thing and going with it.
Author: What is it now Wade?
Author: Come on now… What is it?
Deadpool: I miss Stella.
Author: *Rears back in wonder and stops typing* What do you mean you miss Stella?
Deadpool: She up and left me and filed for divorce. She doesn’t even remember who I am!
Author: No she didn’t! See! *Shows him the ending to Stealing Twilight’s Swan again*
Deadpool: *Shaking his head* No, I’m telling you look!
Author: *Narrows eyes at the divorce paper in hand*
Deadpool: *Wipes eyes, with his mask still on* I miss the bewbs! And Ryyyaaannnn keeps pissing himself and…
Author: *sighs* This is written in crayon. I can clearly tell this is your doing!
Deadpool: IS NOT!
Author: IS TOO!
Author: IS SO! YOU IDIOT!
Deadpool: I have feelings you know!
Author: *lifts eyes towards him with full on agitation* Wade hun, the only feelings you have, are below the belt. Knock it off! I’m busy. Can you not see the 8 unfinished stories, I’m currently working on! I already did yours! Now shut your piehole and eat your damn chimichanga!
Deadpool: *Kicks at desk and folds arms about his chest. Continues to sigh.*
Author: *Grits teeth* WOULD YOU STOP THAT!
Deadpool: Stop what?
Author: That annoying sighing bullshit! I CAN’T FUCKING THINK.
Deadpool: Pffft, who needs that. *Takes what she’s currently working on and rips it in half.*
Author: WHAT THE FUCK?! GET OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!
Deadpool: Gee, say it, don’t spray it! *Lowers head and sulks. He heads outside and hops on his black and red scooter.*
Author: *Sighs and pinches bridge of nose. Starts on her current story, only to look at her screen.* You stupid, stupid, son-of-a-bitch-ass-MERC! *Grabs pen and begins writing ReStealing Twilight’s Swan.*
“Petition? Why are you wanting me to sign a petition about divorces?!” the merc questioned the messenger at the door.
The rather short and petite man gazed upon him oddly.
“They’re from your wife.”
The merc narrowed his eyes and regarded the papers once again.
“Oh, is she here? It’s about time. That mission took her forever. It’s been what, three weeks? Tell her I said to get her little pumpkinbutt inside. I’m ready for hot lovin’!”
“Sir, these divorce papers are from your wife…” the man reiterated.
Logan and Cable looked upon one another and shook their heads. Deadpool lifted his mask, just enough to drink his beer.
“Whatever you do, don’t sign those.” His Canadian friend made clear.
“That’s not a petition about divorces, Wade. That’s a petition from your wife… She’s asking for a divorce.” Cable did his best to clarify.
Deadpool set his beer down and laughed.
“Oh I get it. I’m being punked! Where’s Ashton! I love that sneaky little bastard! You guys are the best!”
Screwball: Oh fuck, I bet it’s our anniversary. Motherfucker! Did I forget?! AGAIN?!
Writer: SHIT SHE’S GOING TO KILL YOU!
Jiminy (Voice of reason in Nathan Summer’s voice): Yep…
Writer: Didn’t punked die like over a decade ago?!
Screwball: You shut your mouth!
“Who?” Logan questioned.
“You know that 70s guy!”
Cable and Logan shook their heads and let out a simultaneous sigh.
“Any luck?” Logan asked as Wade tried calling her cellphone once again.
That made the tenth time he tried to call and that was just today. And that wasn’t counting the thirty text messages he’d sent, but there was no reply.
“Have you tried calling her father?”
“Why would I do that? That bastard hates my motherfucking guts!”
Logan shook his head. “You want your wife back or not?! Your choice!”
Deadpool groaned under his breath. “But I really hate that guy…” the merc griped as he dialed the chief.
When the chief picked up the phone, he told Deadpool he hadn’t heard from his daughter. He let Wade know he got another job offer and was in the process of moving. He said he’d give him his new number, once he got his phone turned on.
“Daddio hasn’t heard from her either.” He said with a disappointed sigh.
“Wade, when was the last time you saw your wife?” Cable probed.
“Eh, she went on a mission about three or so weeks ago? She should be back annnnny minute now.”
“What kind of mission?” Logan asked as he popped a cigar into his mouth.
“She had a hit in Madripoor.”
“Did you say Madripoor?”
Logan reared back.
“You let your wife do a job in Madripoor? ALONE?!”
“Don’t tell me you’re one of ‘those’guys.”
“Those guys?” Logan questioned with slight annoyance.
“Yeah, you know…” Deadpool looked around the bar then whispered, “the sexist kind.”
“Sexist? Where the fuck did you get that?” Logan spat in return.
“You think a woman can’t do a man’s job?! I have you know my little love muffin could kick both your asses, on any given day.”
Logan rolled his eyes. “You idiot merc, even I wouldn’t go to Madripoor alone!”
“Now you’re just talking nonsense. You’ve been there plenty of times!”
“That’s because you’re a pussy. My wife just has a pussy, big difference!”
Cable sighed. “Logan’s right. I think we need to look into this. She could be in danger.”
“Alright, but if she gets mad, I’m pointing the finger your directions.”
Screwball: Matter of fact I’m gonna do that anyway.
Writer: Unless they’re the heroes. Then you’re totally taking the blame! She loves heroes!
Jiminy: Maybe we should listen to what Nathan is saying!
Screwball: Nathan? Oh not you too. You little brownnosed fucker!
Writer: Ha! You have shit on your nose!
Screwball: Wait, I do?!
“Earth to Wade, come in Wade.” Logan scoffed as he snapped his fingers, trying to gather his attention.
“What?!” Deadpool barked as ‘the voices’ were interrupted.
“Are we going to Madripoor, or not?!”
“I thought you said the Eastside of Madripoor, wasn’t that bad?!” Cable scoffed as they had a slew of men aiming guns their direction.
Logan simply nodded and spit what was left of his cigar onto the ground. He stepped it out with his boot. Deadpool brought out his katanas and twirled them about.
“Eh, we got this…” Wolverine murmured, popping his claws out.
A few of the men gasped out and pointed to Logan, specifically. They spoke in Indonesian and continued to point.
“Patch!” One of them called out and a few of them dropped to their knees.
Cable and Deadpool regarded Wolverine in wonder.
“Guess they recognize me after all.” Logan uttered with a shrug.
“Well that certainly explains your Eastside preference.” Cable teased with a chuckle.
“I don’t get it. Are they worshipping you or offering to suck your dick?” Deadpool inquired.
Wolverine cocked a brow at this, “maybe both…” he mused with a shrug.
One of the men waved Logan on over. The Wolverine turned towards Deadpool.
“Yah better shut your trap and let me handle this.”
“What? You think because my wife is missing, you get to take her place?!”
“What in the hell are you blabbin’ on about?!”
Cable chuckled, “I think he’s admitting to being whipped.”
“Yeah, pussy whipped!” Deadpool spat proudly.
Both men stopped in their tracks and looked to Deadpool in disbelief.
“I’m knee deep in that shit.”
“Not for the past three weeks.” Logan reminded.
“Yeah, you wanna talk about blue balls…” Deadpool muttered under his breath.
The guys followed the man inside a nearby building. Wolverine cut Deadpool one more look of warning.
“Please, have seat.” The Indonesian man stated with a warm smile.
He was very tall and lanky, as were most of the townsfolk. They sat on the wooden benches within the room. This place looked to have been a church one time. One that survived a fire as some of the walls was still covered in soot.
“It smells like ass and bacon in here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for the bacon. It’s even better if it’s Stella’s ass!”
“Shut it, you loud mouth and sit down.” Logan hissed.
“Someone needs to get laid.”
“At the moment, you’re not getting laid.” Logan reminded.
“Rub it in one more time, and I’ll have you deported back to Canada!”
“You’re Canadian too, ya know… Yah fucking idiot.”
“I married an American. I have every right to be here! It’s you that’s gonna end up getting probed. Or is that why you’re so moody? They forget to remove the giant fist from your ass!”
Logan nodded and sent him a quick jab to the gut. Deadpool gave him a thumbs up.
“Point taken…” he uttered with a wheeze, whilst trying to catch his breath.
This was the poverty-stricken side of the island – the Lowtown. The West side was what they referred as the Hightown and it mostly consisted of the rich. The island itself contained criminals of all sorts. That’s what Madripoor was known for. Only it was through a much more sophisticated system. Logan earned the alias Patch during his time here back in the forties. He was considered the island’s protector alongside of his mentor – Seraph. Long story short – this was when Wolverine teamed up with Seraph, Captain America, and a ninja cult known as The Hand; in order to deal with the Nazi party that had taken over the island. Things were nowhere near as sophisticated back then. It was because of ‘Patch’ and this alliance of his; the island was rid of all Nazi affiliated parties. A few of the occupants thought these stories to be nothing more than legends. But the Lowtown side… never forgot the man with the claws and the ‘super soldier’. In fact, they even had a holiday set aside in which to honor these ‘heroes’.
Logan did his best to describe Bella Wilson and asked if she’d been seen anywhere around the island. The man narrowed his eyes and tilted his head upon the three of them. The man spoke in Indonesian as he asked Logan if she was a friend of theirs. Logan nodded in response. The man got this sympathetic look about him. Logan reared back a bit as the he waved a couple other men over. They started whispering to one another and glanced over with apologetic glances. Logan didn’t like the looks of this, not one bit. He told Logan he was sorry about their friend. The man referred to Bella as the ‘lady warrior’ and told the story of how she saved them from a group of rogue mutants. From the sounds of it, things got out of hand. This ‘lady warrior’ did her best to protect the city, but she was outnumbered. The man said she died heroically as she gave her life in order to save theirs. He spoke of a blond man that seemingly came from nowhere and took the woman with him. They believed the man to be an angel. That he came down to take God’s ‘warrior’ to heaven. This was one of the few times Logan was glad Wade didn’t understand what was being said, or at least he hoped. Wade had picked up a few languages over the years and often enough surprised Logan. That didn’t seem to be the case however as he glanced over. Wade was using his katana skills to show off to a few of the children. They were giggling and one even asked the merc for his autograph.
“These midgets are pretty cool. Maybe Stella and I should have one!” he called over his shoulder as he signed the boy’s wooden sword.
This had not only Logan but Nathan regarding the merc in absolute shock.
“Did he just…?” Cable questioned in amazement.
Logan sighed, “yeah he did…”
Cable narrowed his eyes as Wolverine pulled him to the side. He explained the situation.
“But we both know the chances.”
“Yeah well, if she really bit the bullet this time…” Logan hinted with a grimace towards Deadpool.
“Let’s not think the worst yet. We know what she’s fully capable of… Static isn’t one to be taken out easily.”
“We’re at a dead end. How the hell are we supposed ta find the lil darlin’ now? And who is this ‘supposed’ angel that took off with her?”
“You don’t suppose it was Warren?”
“How would he know her?”
“I was thinking the same thing but that’s all I can come up with.”
“Worth a shot, but they never said anything ’bout actual wings.”
“I say we keep this under wraps for now. Until we know for certain what’s going on. If Wade thinks she’s really dead, he’ll lose his shit. Yah remember the last time…”
Cable shook his head as they stole another glance his way.
“Look, I’ll get word out to the Avengers you talk to the X-Men. We’ll find her.”
Deadpool sighed as he had teleported back to his apartment. Ryan whined and pawed at his leg.
“Hey little fucker…” he greeted, whilst patting his head.
The dog whimpered out once again.
“I miss her too, buddy… Guess its pancakes, again…” Deadpool frowned as he looked to the dishes building up in the sink. The rest of the apartment was covered in beer bottles, pizza boxes, and fast food wrappers everywhere. He kicked at a nearby pizza box.
“She won’t be happy when she gets home. So I’m gonna put the blame on you.”
Ryan growled on this.
“Hey, get that roach over there!”
The dog let out a puff of air and lay down.
“You little shit! I gave you an order! You know Stella hates those things. GO ON NOW – KILL, KILL, KILL!”
The mutt shut his eyes, “you lazy bastard!” Ryan was quick to jump as his master grabbed his gun and fired at the roach.
“Hey! Stay still, dammit!”
Ryan lay back down and covered his eyes with his paws. Deadpool sat in his recliner and stared into space for a bit. He glanced towards the divorce papers as they were on the couch now and all chewed up.
“It’s about time you did something right. Good boy, Ryan!”
This had the dog perking up and wagging his tail.
“Divorce…” he scoffed under his breath.
“I know her john and her lack of cock! And that there, is not her John Hancock! Someone’s being very naughty…”
His dog whimpered out.
“Not you! For once…”
Ryan hopped into his lap and licked his face.
“You licked your butt first, didn’t you?”
The dog tilted his head on this.
“Yeah, that’s about what I thought.”
Bella and Wade were on their third year of marriage. During that time, they’d become part of the X-Force. The team consisted of Cable, Wolverine, Deadpool, and Static. On top of that, Deadpool and Static had their own list of hits now. There were times they would travel or work together. But this wasn’t one of those times. For one thing – work took them on opposite ends of the globe. She’d let her husband know she shouldn’t be more than a week or so. But Deadpool knew better than anyone, things didn’t always go according to plan. That, and this wouldn’t be the first time one of them has run a few days late. However a couple weeks? That was something neither had pulled before. This had the merc in a rather bitter mood. Why hadn’t she at least called to let him know she was alive and kicking? And had she no concern over his manly needs? The five-knuckle-shuffle just wasn’t cutting it. It wasn’t the same. The merc’s mind wouldn’t let him process the worst of scenarios.
Screwball: She’ll walk through that door annny minute now.
Writer: Yep and yell at you for hours on end about the apartment.
Screwball: I’ll just shut her up by eating that sweet little pussy of hers and fucking her senseless, works every time. She loves the cock! Then we can snuggle and go out for tacos later!
Jiminy: Maybe you should clean the apartment for her… It would be a nice gesture.
Screwball: Now that? Was pretty funny!
Writer: Actually, it really was…
Wade tried texting his wife once again…
Cum home soon, babycakes. Daddy needs to express his love! Seriously, I’m blue ballin’ over here, babe. LUV YOU! (Inserted tons of kissy faces)
He waited for a bit in hopes that she’d finally reply, but nothing. The merc let out a miserable sigh and lowered Ryan back down. He grabbed a bottle of Jack off the kitchen counter and headed into the bedroom. From there, he headed to his wife’s side of the closet. He picked out one of his favorite tops. Then he breathed it in as it still had her scent. He put it on over his suit. It was a black midriff that read Sexy Bitch in neon pink. He’d bought it for her on her birthday. Wade walked over and pulled open her lingerie drawer. He grabbed a pair of her black bikini underwear and put them on as well. Then he plopped down on the bed. He took the picture of his wife off the nightstand laid it down on her side of the bed. The lonely merc downed that Jack like it was nothing more than a bottle of water.
About a week later- (after getting the word out to the Avengers and X-Men). California:
“Tony!” Pepper scolded with a giggle.
He smiled and twirled her about as they were doing some window shopping for the holidays. The couple came to a complete halt however, as another couple walked past. Tony reared back and regarded his wife in question.
Pepper couldn’t believe her eyes. The man and woman stopped in front of the shop next door. They kissed before heading inside.
“What the hell was that?” Pepper asked with slight panic.
“She just walked past us without so much of a glance!”
Tony shook his head and strutted off. He headed into the shop and made his way over. He tapped the woman on the shoulder.
“You mind explaining yourself, sweetheart?!”
The man she was with tilted his head in question. He had this rather displeased look about him. Tony ignored him and locked eyes with the familiar woman.
“I beg your pardon?!” The young woman scoffed.
Tony regarded her in disbelief. She looked upon him as though he were a mere stranger. There was something else that struck him wrong. It was the way she was dressed. She had on this fancy dress and white fur coat. The jewelry she was wearing was rather posh as well – definitely not her style. The man she was with whispered something in her ear.
The man nodded but didn’t look too thrilled.
“Oh, I see it now! I’d like to say it’s a pleasure. However, I’m not so sure about that now, Mr. Stark.”
“Mr. Stark?” he bitterly scoffed.
Since when did she ever refer to him as Mr. Stark? And why was she acting so strange?
“Last I knew, we were on a first name basis.”
“You must have this young lady mistaken for someone else.” The man affirmed.
Tony went to argue this, but something about the man she was with, had him backtracking. This guy was tall, blond, and had a rather athletic build to him. The man screamed of money. Namely, the suit he was wearing. In fact, Tony owned a few of that particular brand himself. Everything about this guy was the exact opposite of Wade Wilson. He had his arm around Bella but it was like she was a possession of his. Something about this guy’s mannerisms… They were very off-putting. And Tony swore the guy looked awfully familiar, but he couldn’t peg where he’d seen him before.
“My apologies, I believe your husband is right. I must have you mistaken for someone else.”
She giggled a bit. “Oh, he’s not my husband.”
“Perhaps one day…” the man added with a smile and kissed her hand.
Tony forced a smile as he saw Pepper making her way over.
“We were mistaking, honey!” he called out hoping she would gather the hint.
His wife cut him a somewhat peculiar glance, but played along.
“Oh, you’re right. It isn’t her…”
He nodded. “See?! And you had me go and make a fool of myself!”
“Now Tony, let’s not kid ourselves. This wouldn’t be the first time.” She taunted in return and winked their way as looped her arm around her husband’s.
The young woman softly laughed.
“You must be Mrs. Stark. Wow, I’ve seen you on TV. But you’re even more gorgeous in person!”
“Why thank you, Mrs…”
“Bella Swan.” She said and offered a hand.
“Well, it’s lovely to meet you. You’re quite stunning yourself!”
“That she is…” The man agreed but looked to be growing fairly impatient.
“My apologies, Mr. and Mrs. Stark, but I do believe we must be going.”
Tony nodded upon the man’s words. The man took the young woman by the hand headed out of the shop.
“Now that was strange…” Pepper whispered.
“You’re telling me…”
“You realize who that guy was, don’t you?”
“He looked vaguely familiar, but it wasn’t registering.”
“You remember that guy that came in about a month or so ago? He wanted to show you one of his inventions? But you didn’t deem it safe enough, when he wouldn’t leave you had him escorted off the premises. He tossed up a fit and demanded that he be heard. He even went as far as to say that “you’d live to regret this one day!”
Tony wrinkled his nose in memory.
“Nah, that can’t be him. That guy was a mess! And this guy well… Let’s just say Wade won’t be getting his wife back.”
“Come on, Pep. That guy looked like the real life version of a Ken doll. Perfection – only I’m certain this one has his appendage attached. Might not be for long…”
“That’s not even funny! Do you have any idea what that would do to her husband?!”
“Whether Bella has her memory or not… I don’t see what we can do about it.”
“Then why bother reacting the way you did, if that’s how you honestly feel!”
Tony shrugged and stuffed his hands into his pockets as they exited the store.
“She seemed happy. Maybe she’s better off.” He said, but cringed on his own words.
“Tony!” Pepper spat and hit him as hard as she could on the arm.
He sighed as she looked like she might cry. He wrapped his arm around her.
“Come on, Pep. We’re gonna figure this out. You know that.”
“Then quit talking like that! Those are our friends, Tony!”
Back in New York:
Deadpool opened the door and Tony raised his brows. The merc was in that same midriff and black pair of panties, he’d put on about a week ago. Tony covered his mouth and nose as the stench hit. It wasn’t just the merc, but the apartment as well. It hit him, right in the face.
“You may enter…” the merc announced as he stepped aside.
“You know… I think I’m good right here.” Tony remarked as he swore he saw something scurry about the floor and he knew it wasn’t the dog. He was currently asleep on the couch.
“Word of advice?” Tony offered.
“And what might that be?” Deadpool asked with sarcastic pitch to his voice.
“You might wanna burn down the entire apartment complex and find yourself a new place.”
“Now why would I do that?”
Tony took a couple steps back and shook his head.
“Then at least do yourself a service and shower.”
“Why?” he muttered as he downed a beer.
“You are aware that it’s 8 in the morning?”
“You’re one to talk.” Deadpool replied with a shrug. The merc kicked at a nearby beer bottle. Tony’s lip curled in disgust as he bravely stepped inside. This had his OCD kicking into high gear. Deadpool went to the bathroom and took a leak. He didn’t bother shutting the door.
“…shit…” Tony uttered as there were several pictures on the coffee table. And of the very news he’d come to reveal.
“So you know…?”
“Know what?” Deadpool called out as he finished and stepped back out.
Tony picked up one of the pictures and waved it about.
Deadpool shrugged and plopped himself down on the couch. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey off the coffee table. Tony turned as he heard someone else enter the apartment.
“Would it kill yah ta clean the fuck up! Bella would have a runaway!”
Tony winced on Logan’s poor choice of words. He nodded upon Logan in greeting and Logan nodded in return.
“We got a mission, Wade! So yah need ta get yer act together. Get cleaned up so we can get goin’!”
The pictures on the coffee table however caught Logan’s attention. He picked one of them up and his claws made their appearance. These were all pictures of Wade’s wife and some other guy. They were hugging and kissing one another. He regarded his friend and the apartment once again.
“Since when does Static become a two-timing whore?!” he spat.
“HEY NOW!” Tony hollered out, as Deadpool suddenly had Logan pinned up against the living room wall.
“Don’t call her that!”
Logan sighed, “Wade…” he said with a softer tone.
Tony grimaced as the merc sent the Wolverine a few jabs to the gut. For once, Logan didn’t fight back. He just took whatever the merc gave him; figuring he needed the release. It hurt like a bitch, but he’d had worse. When Deadpool finished, he dropped to his knees. Both men swallowed back on this and regarded one another with concern.
“Come on, bub…” Logan said, offering his friend a hand.
Deadpool shook his head and covered his face.
“You were right… You said I’d run her off one day. Well there you go. Asshole. You just had to be proved right once again!”
Logan drew back a hesitant breath. This was ‘Wade’ speaking now. The jokes had come to a stop and the merc was truly beside himself. Tony looked on in utter surprise. This was a side of the merc he wasn’t used to seeing. Logan and Cable had, but it was very rare. And each time, it seemed to pertain to her.
“She’s happy…” the merc said motioning towards the pictures.
“So I can’t kill him. But I want to… I WANT TO RIP THE MOTHERFUCKER APART AND PLAY A NICE GAME OF KICK THE HEAD! HE STOLE MY STELLA!”
Logan forced Wade to his feet and grabbed hold of him. He gave the merc a genuine hug. And that was another thing, Wade had his insecurities. The jokes at times were a mere cover up for those moments. The merc knew he was an ugly son of a bitch, with a knockout for a wife. Deep down – even Wade knew the rarity of that. But after three years of marriage, he’d grown to believe that what he and Bella had was ‘ironically’ undying.
“I don’t think we’re seeing the whole picture… I’ve reasons to believe your wife is innocent in all this.” Tony defended.
Logan rolled his eyes on the hogwash that fled from the billionaire’s mouth. He’d grown to love Bella. In fact, Logan looked to her like the kid sister he’d never had. That’s what had him so pissed. It wasn’t just about her ripping out the heart of one of his best friends. Another thing he’d never admit… especially, to Wade. The loud-mouthed merc would never shut up if Logan ever let that out of the cage. This had the Wolverine glancing at the pictures once again. Sure there weren’t any of them having sex. But it sure looked like cheating to him. They were all over each other. What’s to say they weren’t fucking as well? Tony drew back a breath and told them about their little ‘run-in’ back in California. He made it clear that Bella hadn’t any idea who they were, at least, not on a personal level. After Tony finished describing what he and Pepper witnessed; Logan thought back to the story of the ‘lady warrior’ and the blond ‘angel’ that took her to heaven. The Canadian picked up one of the pictures and nodded amongst himself.
“Yah didn’t happen ta get a return address on that, did yah?”
Deadpool shook his head no and tossed over the envelope it came in. Tony cleared his throat and motioned towards the pictures and envelope itself. “Perhaps that is more my area of expertise?” Tony offered as he held out a hand.
“Yer probably right.” Logan murmured and handed them over.
“Now I need yah to listen ta me, Wade. And listen real good.”
Deadpool looked on in misery.
“This isn’t going to be one of those Summers speeches, is it?”
“Ya, you know the one that goes on and on and on – it’s never ending! He’s worse than that song that fucking puppet that sings.”
“You know that Lamb. He’s such a little bitch!” he starts humming The song that never ends.
“Summers or the Lamb?”
“It depends on what day…”
Logan sort of chuckled. “Just listen up, now will ya?”
Deadpool groaned out rather childlike and fired at another roach that scurried by. Logan and Deadpool eyed Stark down as he climbed up on the coffee table.
“Did you see the size of that thing?! Ant-Man could’ve ridden that into battle.” He exclaimed as he pointed the direction it headed.
Deadpool snorted on this. “Oh, good one! Wait? Who’s Ant-Man?”
“Yah know who Ant-Man is… And yer getting off track. Look, yah want yer wife back, or not?!”
“Of course I do. But she’s a little busy at the moment…” Deadpool gestured with a sneer towards the pictures.
“Wade for once, I need yah ta sit down and listen ta everything I say. I mean it, yah can’t afford ta go off ta fucking La La Land. You really want Bella back, then yah had better listen and take my advice. I mean it! If yah really love her you’ll turn everything off and FUCKIN’ FOCUS!”
Logan revealed the truth behind Static’s visit to Madripoor. He also mentioned the ‘angel’ that appeared at the end. How he took off with her and had the townsfolk believing that to be her lifeless body. For the first time ever, the merc sat in silence and truly listened to everything Logan said and without interruption. Tony thought he needed to grab a hand mirror and make certain the guy was still breathing. That’s how silent the merc was. Logan went on to express his opinion; on how Wade should handle this. Logan made it clear that Wade would have to literally win his wife over. Meaning no confronting the man she was currently with, at least not at first. He needed to get his wife alone and go about it from there. The merc frowned as his friend told him no – to using his teleporting ability to simply kidnap her like the time before.
“But it would be soooo much easier. I could cuff her to the couch like when we first met! I bet she’d find it very romantic!”
“She won’t!” Tony and Logan chorused.
“She hasn’t any memory of Tony or Pepper. That there is a clear indication that she won’t remember ANY of us!”
“Easy! Then I make her!”
“Yah can’t force these things, Wade. That’s what I’ve been trying ta tell yah. Yah come off too strong and yah could scare her off. Ta be honest, yah gotta treat her like yer datin’ for the first time. Yer startin’ over, bub. Yah might as well face the facts. If yah go about this the right way, maybe she’ll regain some sort of memory. Now I’m tellin’ yah this from my own experience. So yah had better hear me out. I know what I’m talkin’ about. I’ve known firsthand what it’s like ta forget everyone and everything around yah. It’s scary shit. If yer not careful, yer gonna have her relapsin’. Believe me, yah don’t want that. We want her to overcome whatever’s been done. Look, just let me help yah with this. The number one thing yah gotta remember? Is to keep that anger in check. And yes that goes double for the son of a bitch she’s with. If yah go off on him or downright kill him. Yah could screw everything all up.”
“If you get her to come around or at least gain her trust, it might be wise if we get her to visit with Dr. Banner. Perhaps he could be of some assistance.” Tony mentioned.
“That wouldn’t be a bad idea,” Logan admitted in agreement.
“But yah gotta earn her trust first. Then go from there. Yah know her better than anyone. So put on that thinkin’ cap of yers and do whatever it takes to figure out what’s goin’ on and win her over. We can worry about the dipshit later, when we know more about him.”
“In the meantime… You let me hang on to those divorce papers.” Tony suggested.
“Ryan chewed them up.”
“Good boy…” Tony and Logan chorused.
“Whatever you do, don’t sign anything.” Tony reiterated.
“Yeah, yeah you two sure are bossy!” Deadpool bellyached.
“Yah’d better listen ta him, yah loud-mouthed merc! He knows what he’s talkin’ about. Yah sign the wrong thing and yah might just find yourself divorced, within the blink of a fuckin’ eye. Yah gotta pay attention.”
Logan looked around the apartment once again.
“And that’s another thing… CLEAN THIS GOD FORSAKEN DUMP OF YERS AND TAKE A MOTHERFUCKING SHOWER! HAVE SOME GOD DAMN RESPECT FOR NOT ONLY YER WIFE, BUT YOURSELF! YAH SMELL LIKE SOMETHING THE DOG PUKED UP. YAH HONESTLY THINK YER WIFE IS GONNA WANT YAH, IF SHE HAS BILE RISING IN THE BACK OF HER THROAT EVERY TIME SHE CATCHES WIND OF YAH? AND SHE DAMN SURE ISN’T GONNA CLEAN UP AFTER YER SORRY ASS. IF SHE HAD HER MEMORY AND WALKED IN… AND AT THIS VERY MOMENT? SHE’D NOT ONLY GO THROUGH WITH THE DIVORCE, BUT SHE’D BE ADDING YOU TO ONE OF HER HIT LISTS!”
“I have to agree on that one. This place needs to be shut down and run through government quarantine.”
“Yah may act like a bitch, but yah don’t have to look like one. Get out of her clothes. Yer tryin’ to get her back! Not run her off!”
“You can’t tell me what to do!” Deadpool shouted back but as he grabbed at trash bag and started picking up the place.
Logan smirked on this and lit up one of his cigars.
“You have a way with him.”
“More like she does…” Logan admitted, looking to be in thought.
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