Chapter 5 Fifty First Dates

Chapter 5

I do not own Marvel or Twilight.

Bella had her hands planted against the shower wall. She watched as the water ran down the drain. She spotted a few drops of blood and narrowed her eyes in wonder. It wasn’t until she stepped out and went to dry herself off, that she realized it was coming from her nose. She made her way to the sink and rinsed the area off. Her head was pounding as she patted her nose dry. And as she finished drying off her hands trembled. With a towel wrapped around her, she stepped on out. Mrs. Stark had a set of clothes lying out on the bed. Rather expensive ones at that. Bella placed the skirt on and then the matching blouse. After gazing upon her reflection, she frowned. There was something “off” about it. She stepped into the heels and half laughed.

“Yeah… this isn’t going to work.” She muttered under her breath and was quick to take them off.

“I look like an overpriced hooker. Was I?” she questioned with a snort.

After brushing her hair, she decided to pin it back. Nothing was registering. Was this the way she always fixed it? A sight of frustration escaped her and she took it back down. She fluffed it out a bit and shook her head with sheer annoyance.

“Dammit…” she uttered and went with a ponytail instead.

“OH COME THE FUCK ON!” She shouted as her nose started to bleed, yet again.

She pinched her nose and rushed back into the bathroom.

You should’ve listened… Didn’t I tell you I’D take care of you? Now look at you! You’re dying…

Bella sort of laughed.

“It wouldn’t be the first time… And I doubt it’ll be the last…” But as she said this, she wondered how she knew that.

She gasped back as these visions hit her. One after another and each of them were of the various ways she’d died. She’d been shot, electrocuted, beaten to death – by a group of soldiers from another realm, and choked. She put a hand to her heart and staggered back.

Enough with the childish games, Isabella. Find a secluded place and call to me.

“The hell with you.”

Without me, you will surely die and there will be no coming back this time.

Bella pulled at her hair and screamed out.


Is that what you want? Is to die?!


She jumped as there was a knock at the door.

“Everything alright, babycakes?”

She looked into the mirror and closed her eyes for a moment. The sound of the door creaking had her opening them. She caught the merc’s reflection in the mirror. He stepped inside and pulled the door to. He leaned against the wall, folded his arms about his chest, and nodded her direction.

“They say you know me more than anyone.”

“That’s right, sugar lips!”

“So this…” She tapped her finger along her forehead.


“Pffft normal… Fuck normal. Soooo boring.”

“So I didn’t do this before?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“So I’m insane?”

“For me, yes!”

She tilted her head on this and he sighed.

“Well you were…” he corrected and lowered his head.

“Do we have children?”

He lifted his head.

“No. But let’s! In fact, let’s have a few practice runs!”

She shook her head and managed to laugh.

“There you are…” he said, sounding to be in awe.

He made his way over and had her turn, facing him. He cupped her chin.

“Whatever this is…I’m going to fix it. This motherfucker hasn’t any idea what’s coming for him. No one messes with my girl.”

“How did we meet?”

He cleared his throat and thought up something quick.

“Eh… On a ship… Yeah! You were an artist and I asked you to draw me like one of your French girls. After that, you taught me what it was like to fly! It was magical! You had your arms around me and …”
Titanic?! You’re kidding me, right?!” She angrily scoffed.

He shrugged. Bella rolled her eyes and stormed on out of the bathroom. Deadpool groaned amongst himself.

“Well I doubt you wanna hear the truth…” He muttered under his breath.

Screwball: Yeah, I can’t very well tell her that I kidnapped her and tricked her into marrying me.

Writer: Nope.

Jiminy: You should tell her the truth. It’s what she needs. Lying isn’t going to get you anywhere.

Writer: It’s not going to get him laid either…

Jiminy: And it’s only going to confuse her more!

Screwball: I tell her the truth and I might as well kiss her ass goodbye.

Writer: We don’t know that for certain…

Jiminy: SEE?!

Screwball: You’re a couple of idiots. She’s gonna run. You saw the way she acted when she saw my face! Wait… what day is it? Because if it’s Wednesday the chimichangas are on Ashley’s dinner special tonight!

He exited the bathroom and he rushed over – seeing as how she was lying on the floor. The merc picked her up and placed her on the bed.

“I’m dying… aren’t I?”

“Nah… dying isn’t your thing.”

He grabbed a few tissues and placed them over her nose.

“I am… I can feel it.”

Deadpool swallowed back on this.

“Not an option. You’re Static… Static only visits the afterlife. She isn’t one to get all cozy and move on in. Besides… talk about awkward – shacking up with the ex and all.”


He nodded.

“Yep. Remember? Death and I had a little fling at one time.”

Jiminy: Little?

Screwball: You stay out of this!

Writer: *snorts* He said little…

Screwball: Hehe, that’s right he did… oh wait… FUCK YOU, MAN. FUCK YOU!

She cut him an odd look.

“Come on, babe… You don’t remember anything?!”

She pinched the bridge of her nose.

“It’s like this void. Every time I think something’s finally triggering…” she pointed to her bloodied up nose.

“This happens.”

He nodded.

“I guess none of it really matters…”
“And why’s that?”
“Because we were never married… If we were. You wouldn’t feel the need to make up some sort of Hollywood moment.”

He laid beside her and looked to the ceiling.
“Fine…I came from a place known as Skull Island. We met in New York where I kidnapped you and took you to the Empire State building, as a romantic getaway. But there were these assholes that had some sort of problem with that. They were all shooting at me and there were helicopters everywhere and…”

She nodded and rose from the bed.


“The only “ape” around here is going to be me, when I go “apeshit” from all the bull you’re feeding me. Between you and the other idiot in my head, I don’t know my head from my ass! You’re both full of shit and I’m tired of the games! How fucking stupid am I? I thought there was something different about you. EVEN IN HERE!” she pointed to her head.

“But you’re no better than he is. Yet I hear the two of you everywhere I go! LEAVE ME THE FUUUUUUUUUCK ALONE! BOTH OF YOU!”

Bella stormed on out of the room and was trying to find the way out of Avenger Headquarters.

“Where’s the fucking door?” she hissed.

She reared back, seeing the elevator up ahead.

“You’re kidding me?! First the posh as fuck clothes and now there’s a god damn elevator. What a bunch of posers…”

She hit the button for the elevator and jumped.

“Leaving so soon, Mrs. Wilson?” The animatronic voice questioned.

“Oh man… A third one? This just gets better and better!”

Someone hand me a gun with three shells, so I can take each of you fuckers out! The elevator door opened and she stepped inside. Once the elevator made it’s way down, she exited and was heading right for the door. Only to find it blocked by a massive wall of web. She reached over and ran a single finger along it.

“How in the hell…”

“Sorry… I was given specific orders.”
She rolled her eyes and pivoted around.

“Oh joy, another guy in red. Let me guess… You’re husband numbero deuce’s twin? And we’ve got some bastard lovechild out there?”

“You really shouldn’t call him a bastard.” The man smarted.

“Wait… what? You had a child with him, before me?! That’s so fucked up, babe!”

“I’m not your babe, baby, babycakes, OR YOUR WIFE!”

“Actually you are…” Spider-Man defended.

“Oh shut it! What are you supposed to be anyhow? Something stupid like Spider-Boy?
“You can’t call him that, he’s black!”

Spider-Man reared back on this, but decided to go with it.
“Uh… yeah! That’s right!”

“That makes no sense, whatsoever.”
“What would you know…? You have no memory, remember?”
“Dude!” Spider-Man said looking to Deadpool in disbelief.

“That’s your wife.”

“I know! But isn’t she just hot as fuck when she’s all pissy?!””

Spider-Man tilted his head a bit and gave her the once over.

“HEY!” Deadpool said, smacking him in the back of the head.

“You can’t ask another man that and expect him not to look.”

“You remember that next time your little love muffin’s around.” Deadpool threatened.

“Crap…” Spider-Man murmured as Gwen Stacy came to mind.
“That’s right… Does the drapes match the carpet by the way? Just curious…”

Spider-Man webbed his mouth shut and they turned back around, seeing that Bella had somehow managed her way around the webbing and was making her escape.

“How the…” Spider-Man muttered wondering how she even managed that.

“MOTHERFUCKER!” Deadpool shouted and they took off after her.

Bella ran as fast as she could throughout the streets of Manhattan. She hadn’t a clue as to where to go. She hadn’t a car, any money, or so much as a destination in mind. All she knew was she was all alone with no one to trust and no place to really call home. Tears streamed along her cheeks and her heart was racing as fear was beginning to set in. She ducked into a nearby alleyway and without so much as thinking on it she bounded off a nearby dumpster and was scaling up a wall, reaching for the edge of a nearby rooftop. Once she grasped onto the edge, she gasped back in surprise and nearly lost her footing. The moment she pulled herself up she rolled onto her back and looked towards the sky.

“Now how I the hell did I pull that one off? And how did I know I could do that?! Or did I?!”

Tony was in the limo heading back to headquarters when he spotted Spider-Man. He was webbing his way throughout the city, followed by Deadpool. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“This can’t be good.” He mumbled and called Pepper, letting her know he might be running a tad late.

He had his driver pull over and he snapped his suit activator around his wrist. Before long parts of it arrived and he waited until it was done doing it’s magic.

“How’s it looking, Jarvis?” He questioned afterward. He hadn’t had a chance to fully charge this particular one.

“You’re looking at 38 percent, sir.”

Tony sighed.

“Well it’s gonna have to do for now.”
“I strongly advice against it…”
“I know you do. Thank you, Jarvis.”
“You’re quite welcome, sir. Should I plan for the funeral arrangements before or after?”

Tony smirked behind that face plate of his.
“Whatever makes you feel better… “He witted in return.

“It’s a mere defense mechanism…”

Bella shot up and looked on, in disbelief. There was Spider-Man crouched before her.

“The jokes…” he said, whilst offering a hand.

“He means nothing by it. Trust me… I would know. I’m just as guilty when it comes to dealing with sticky situations.” He rolled his eyes realizing he let a pun of his own slip.

“Jokes?” she hissed.

“Every time I ask him how we met he has some sort of bogus Hollywood story.”

Spider-Man sighed and nodded.

“I’m sure it’s mainly out of fear…”
“Fear, of what?”
“Losing you…”
She had this confused look about her.

“Let’s just say your first time of meeting didn’t go over so well. In fact… it was a complete disaster.”

“And you would know because…”

He helped Bella to her feet and paced the rooftop. He took his mask off and stood before her.

“Because you told me…”

She narrowed her eyes and planted her hand along his cheek.

“We’ve become friends over the years… In fact, you and Gwen have become more like sisters.”


He nodded and took her hand. He had her sit down and he sat across from her.

“Gwen Stacy… My fiancé. You two really hit it off and have become inseparable over the last couple years. So much so… That she’s been worried sick about you. You just up and vanished without so much as a word on it.”
Bella reached to her temples and shook her head with misperception.

“And you are…?”

He swallowed back and looked about the area, before answering.

“Peter Parker.

“I don’t understand…” she said in that childlike mannerism.

Peter picked up on the gloom within her eyes and the desperation to her voice. She wiped at tear from her face and looked to the sky.

“Nothing about this is familiar to me. The only thing that even comes close is…”
“Is…?” Peter probed as she looked to be in pain.

His voice…” she tapped that forehead of hers again.

He nodded in perfect understanding.

“Well, that’s a start at least. So what does he tell you?”

“To beware of the other voice.”

Peter reared back in question.

“Wait… there are two?!”

She sort of laughed.

“See… I’m clearly nuts.”

Peter came to a stand.

“Far from it and Gwen would be the first one to attest to that. Outside of Wade… she knows you best.”

“Something’s happening to me… I can feel it and it scares the shit out of me. I haven’t any control.”

She put a hand over her heart as it had that sinking sensation to it.

“And still… he calls to me. Claiming he’s the key to saving me.”

“Don’t listen. I honestly can’t believe I’m saying this… But the ONLY voice of reason is that of your husband.”

She laughed in half mockery.
“And which would that be?”


She turned back and saw the merc standing behind her.


I’m afraid he’s right on that one.”

She snapped her head Iron Man’s direction and covered her mouth in laughter.

“What is it with you guys and red? Are you in some sort of club or is it just a douchebags anonymous thing?”
“Oh nice!” her husband remarked.

This had the other two glancing his direction.

“What? That was funny as hell!”

Bella nodded amongst herself and looked about the area.

“This ought to be interesting…” She said in such a way. One that had each man rearing back.

She got this mischievous look about her and she dived off the roof. She landed on a nearby awning and slid onto a nearby truck that drove past. She clung onto the back and jumped onto the back of a motorcycle. She shoved the driver off the bike and was hauling ass. Deadpool reached to his heart in awe.

“Beautiful, isn’t she?”

“Yeah well, she’s getting away. And if we let her do that she’s gonna wind up getting herself killed.” Spider-Man replied.

Deadpool sighed. “Well there’s that… thanks for ruining it for me.”

“You’re welcome.”

“SHIT!” Bella hollered as Iron Man landed before her.

He gave a simple nod as she hit the brakes and skidded before him. She groaned out as the asphalt scraped against her leg. She gritted her teeth and shoved the bike off her. Tony grimaced behind that faceplate once he took notice. Stubborn as she was Bella walked right up to him and gave him a push.

“Out of the way…”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that. And what is it you think you’re going to do exactly?” He asked with curiosity.

She gritted her teeth and socked the shit out of him. He drew back a breath as she grabbed ahold of her hand afterward.

“Yeah… I’m afraid you’ve come to a bit of a road block.”

With no warning whatsoever he grabbed ahold of her and took off in flight. Bella squirmed about and hit at him with everything she had.


“Is that what you really want?”


He nodded and let go. She screamed out, but he made a certain gesture. Someone snatched her out of thin air or so it seemed. “Stop that…” Spider-Man reprimanded as she was taking her wounded fist to his chest. They swing about the city and Bella kneed him in the crotch. He let out a painful groan and dropped his hold. She landed on another truck and was sent rolling off the back. She reached out in attempts to break her fall, but it was too late. Her eyes widened in realization and she covered her face, preparing for the worst. Just as she was to hit the ground someone caught her.

“Fancy meeting you here.” The all too familiar voice said and she let out a sigh of relief.

“The truth! NOW!” She barked and Deadpool sighed as he was making his way about town and dodging traffic.


“Okay… ever since you lost your memory. I’d make these videos. Ones that recap everything we’ve done together. I have you watch them every morning…”

“Another god damn movie?! JUST FORGET IT!”

On this, she tumbled on out of his hold. Deadpool gritted his teeth as the douchebag demigod and a few of his evildoers appeared before them. Loki waved Bella on over.

“Oh look, it’s the leprechaun. He must be confused. The pot of gold is on the OTHER side of the rainbow bridge. So you can take your anal appendages with you and look there.”

“I can protect you. Just as promised… Come along now, Isabella.”

She snatched Deadpool’s gun, right from the holster. She put it to her head and eyed Loki down. He laughed. “So dramatic….” He scoffed and she nodded. Her husband recoiled as she fired. She fired round after round and when nothing seemed to put an end to it, she threw the gun Loki’s direction. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!” She cried, whilst pulling her hair.


Deadpool inched his way over and once he was within arm’s reach he grabbed ahold of her. She went to break out of his hold and his only tightened.


The merc eyed Loki down.

“No can do, sugar lips.”

“You knew I’d try…’ She muttered in realization and he nodded.


“Because it’s something I would’ve done…” he hinted as to his own past.

“As for the truth…? You’re not going to like it.”

Loki gathered an egotistical grin. “Now this ought to be interesting…” the demigod muttered under his breath.
“Why’s that?”

“Because what we have isn’t your typical Disney Princess story.”

“Just tell me, dammit!”

“Well it all started when your sparkly vampire boyfriend kidnapped you. Your father hired a hitman in order take out the boyfriend and well that hitman happened to be ME! Soooo long story short? I realized I met my future babies’ momma. So I returned your father’s money and decided that I was keeping you instead. Before long, I took your v-card and we started fucking like a couple of rabbits. I mean we went through the entire kama sutra within two ta three days tops! I liked it so I put a ring on it and we’ve been together ever since.” Once he finished the merc caught his breath as if winded.

Bella shook her head and reached to her gut in laughter.

“Yeah that sounds legit… So what movie or story is one that based off?” she scoffed.

Ours…” He alleged with a wounded look about him.

“That’s about as legit as it gets. Now if you’ll excuse me. I got some major asskicking to do.”

Bella looked to be in awe as he unsheathed his katanas and dived right for Loki.

“SON OF A WHORE!” Deadpool barked as the demigod vanished.

The Chitaurians surrounded Deadpool and went to attack.

“Guess that’s our cue…” Iron Man called out, using one of his pulsar beams to take a couple out.

Spider-Man nodded and fired off a web. He lassoed one of them over and flung him Iron Man’s direction. Iron Man took his fist and plunged it right on through the Chitaurian. “Nice!” Spider-Man called out. “Thanks!” They looked over with concern as Bella was laughing so hard, she was crying. A gasp escaped her as someone grabbed ahold of her. Before she could so much as blink she was snatched right out of their hold.

“Not this time…”

Loki gritted his teeth and reached for her once again. Utter shock hit the demigod as his hand landed on the ground.

“HANDS OFF, JACKASS! Try it again and I’ll make that outtie an innie. And from what I hear – pussies take a real pounding.”

Deadpool placed Bella behind him, but kept a protective hold on her. To his surprise, she had her hands wrapped around his arm – as if seeking his protection. There was fear in her eyes as she gazed upon Loki. This had the god of mischief grinning and he held his hand out.

“Without me, you will surely die.”

The merc went to take his other hand, only to have Loki appear behind them. He was about to grab Bella when Spider-Man zipped over and knocked him off his feet. It was then the wind picked up, the thunder sounded, and lightning struck something nearby. Loki rolled his eyes and cut Iron Man a childish look.
Really?” He yapped, knowing it had to be him that ratted him out.

Behind that suit Tony was grinning ear to ear.

“That’s right. I tattle-telled. You’re in big trouble now…”

Deadpool nudged his wife.

“Look, look! He’s gonna do a superhero landing. WATCH!”

Sure enough – Thor appeared, in the perfect crouching stance.

“That’s reaaallllly hard on the knees, but it looks so awesome (he sang)… You remember when I did that back in… oh yeah, that’s right… nevermind.” He said as if pouting.

“LOOOKKKIII!” the boisterous voice roared.

Bella gasped back as the god locked eyes with hers. He gave a simple nod.

“Are you alright?” he questioned with candor and she swallowed back.

Loki rolled his eyes, “oh do go home. This isn’t any concern of yours.”
Thor snapped his head his brother’s direction and pointed upon him with Mjölnir.

“And that’s where you’re wrong, dear brother. I know all about your latest schemes. Heimdall finally managed to break through and he showed me EVERYTHING! What you have done is inexcusable! And to this young Midgardian that has been a friend to me. You have betrayed my trust yet again! You knew of the power she possessed. And that’s why you chose her! She’s the only one that can enter the portals and live to tell about it. You’re using her in order to gain the stones. As if you need more power! You know nothing of the damage you’ve caused! LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE, BROTHER! You’ve taken one of Midgardian warriors and destroyed everything about her. You make me SICK!”

Loki let out a grunt and the two gods seemingly vanished.

Huh…” Deadpool remarked as he took out another Chitaurian.

“You hungry? Because I am!”

“Get her back to headquarters before our luck runs out. We got these guys.” Iron Man hollered.

Spider-Man nodded in agreement.

“He’s right. Thor can only hold him off for so long, now’s your chance!”

She let out a yelp as Deadpool flipped her over his shoulder. They appeared back at headquarters. The merc brought her down and she buried her face into the crevice of his neck. He closed his eyes and breathed her in.

“Tell me something real…”
“What I said earlier… that was real.”
“Tell me more…”
He nodded and thought about what Logan had said. He sighed amongst himself.

“Fine…” he groaned out in misery.


“Excuse me?!”

“Not you, pumpkinbutt. The fucking Canadian that smells like wet dog. Look, you asked for something real. So don’t get all mad and yell at me. And no running! That running shit by the way is FUCKING ANNOYING! So I f you could like… give me a heads up at least, or a head start even. That would be nice.”

Deadpool closed his eyes and he went into a dreamlike state. That being to when he first laid eyes on her.

“When we first met, a family of vampires were feeding off you and two of them were arguing over who was going to fuck you first. And I remembered thinking… If anyone’s tapping that ass… it’s gonna be me!”

She gritted her teeth and went to squirm out of his hold.

“Shhh, daddy’s talking.” He hushed and hugged her tighter.

“At least that was my first initial thought. But it was something in those big sexy brown eyes of yours that got me thinking… I knew I couldn’t let anyone hurt you – especially some lame ass tofu-farting fairies that had to be the worst vampires I’d ever heard of! I mean the fuckers don’t even bleed! What’s that about?”

Jiminy: Getting a tad off track. You’re losing her.

Screwball: But seriously, what was with those fuckers? What sort of vampire feeds from animals?!

Writer: Tofu- farting ones, apparently.

Screwball: (Laughs) Right? And to think all this time I thought a cloud of dust appeared when vampires farted.

Jiminy: She’s waiting…

Screwball: Right…

“Anywho… Your father had offered me a good chunk of change and believe me when I say I damn near cried when I turned it down. But I liked what I saw and wanted you alllllll to myself. Let’s face it. I can be a selfish bastard. I see something I want and I take it. It’s that simple. And that hasn’t changed… You see I got what I want and I’m not looking into kidnapping another wife. I mean talk about exhausting! I’d have to retrain her and everything. And to be perfectly honest… No matter what… no one could ever take your place. So this “supposed” god has another thing coming. If he thinks I’m just going to hand you over. Not happening. You’re my little love muffin and he needs to find his own. OHHHHH and we have a dog too! He’s a fucking pain in the ass. You named him Ryyyaaaannn for some stupid ass reason. And the little shit loves you. But he chewed up my fucking unicorn!”

“Unicorn?” she questioned.

“Yeah, the one I was using while you were…” he trailed off and cleared his throat.

He dropped his hold and pulled out a Crayola drawing of Loki from his utility belt. He pointed to the horns on his crown.

“See, he’s overcompensating for something. It doesn’t count when you have to tell everyone you’re horny. ”

Her jaw dropped as the merc was pitching a tent.

“See?! I didn’t have to tell you, now did I? You just knew!”

She went to say something only the room started to spin and her eyes rolled back.

“Whoa…” the merc said and quickly braced her against him.

“It hurts…” She cried through gritted teeth.

“What hurts?”

This entire time Loki had been in her head. No matter what she did, he wouldn’t leave her be.


He lifted her up and teleported into the guest bedroom. He laid her down and scanned her over. It was written all over her face. The merc was at a loss. What could he do? He hated this. His wife was in torment and all he could do was stand back and watch as it happened. That was maddening!

“Tell me what to do! Let me help you!” He pleaded.

“I just want him out of my head!”

He hovered over her, having no clue how to even go about that. Tears streamed on down her face, only adding the merc’s misery. He put his forehead to hers.

“What does he want?”
“He wants me to gather these stones. And once I’ve gathered them, he wants me to serve as his queen.”

“What stones?”

“The ones back at the portals.”

“The portals?” He murmured in thought.

“Please tell me you don’t mean the ones in which the old ball and chain is keeping guard of?”

She cut him a look of confusion.

“You know… Mistress Death?”


A flash of something hit and she shot up with a gasp.

“She’s the one that jacked up my back, isn’t she?! Ric… I mean Loki had me believing I was sleepwalking. But I remember now! It was her!”

Her husband reared back in wonder. She rolled onto her stomach and he lifted her blouse.

MOTHERFUCKER! Man why does Death gotta be such a little WHORE!”

He ran his fingers along the marks. He could tell from the marks alone that it hadn’t been long ago. But the veins along that area were black – proving it was certainly “her” touch. There were only two others that could survive that touch. And that was him and Thanos.

“Do we really have to deal with that bitch all over again? Why can’t she just go suck the big purple ape’s cock and quit worrying about mine?! I mean really!”

Bella froze as he lifted his mask just enough to kiss along the marks. There was something oddly soothing about it. She peered over her shoulder and with a flushed face. The merc couldn’t help it. It was the “husband” in him. And he could care less what anyone thought. Bella rolled onto her back and he cocked a brow.

“Oh I see… you want me to get the other side as well…”

She blushed and stopped him as he went to lift her blouse.


She sort of laughed and shook her head no.

“Oh come, baby. At least show me your bewbs. I love bewbs!”

“But I don’t know you…”

This had the merc gritting his teeth. He knew it wasn’t her fault but he was livid either way. His wife of three fucking years… He gave a simple nod and teleported off the bed. He appeared on the other side of the room. Then he pointed upon her rather heatedly.

“That’s where you’re wrong. You know EVERYTHING about me. Now I need you to tell me what to do. How do I help get US back?!”

He punched at one of the walls, causing her to jump off the bed. She backed into a corner of the room. Her eyes were as big as saucers. And it was then the merc truly grasped just how traumatizing all this had been.

“What did he do to you?” He softly asked.

She swallowed back and brought her legs up against her chest. He just couldn’t fathom what he was seeing. This wasn’t his wife! Even a room of blood thirsty vampires hadn’t caused her the amount of fear she was in now.

“That cunt-ass-dipshit-motherfucking-whore! What did he do to MY GIRL?! TELL ME!”

“Hey now…” Tony said as he entered the room.

“You might wanna soften that tone… just a touch. It’s a good thing Steve’s still on that mission. You’d have given the All American Hero a heart attack.” He hinted and Deadpool shook his head and stormed on out of the room.

“Where are you going?” Tony called out.


Just as he said this, Thor and Spider-Man entered the room, blocking his path.

“She needs you here.” Spider-Man made clear.

“And Loki is being dealt with as we speak.” Thor said.
“Oh is he now?”
“That he is.”
“And how may I ask?”
“Through Asgardian law…”

Deadpool had a good laugh at this.

“Through Asgardian law…” He mocked in Thor’s deep voice.

“Nah… You see he’s gotta go through my law system. And that’s the death penalty.”

“That is something I cannot allow.”
“Funny, considering I never asked you.”
“You don’t seem to grasp what my brother is capable of. He isn’t one to be underestimated. He might be half god, but he’s powerful nevertheless, and you are no match for him.”

“Oh, is that so? Well guess what, Goldilocks! I’m gonna prove you wrong and when I’m done, you can all suck his stiffy on that fucking rainbow bridge of yours, because that’s the only part of him I’m sending back! Good luck finding it… I hear he’s the runt of the litter. And to think he tried to penetrate my girl with that. You wanna talk about a French tickler…”

Hey…” Tony called out as he approached Bella.

He held a hand out and she buried her face within her knees.

“Please… just leave me be.” she implored.

“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get you a drink… something to help you wind down a bit.”

She lifted her head and he nodded.

“You’re more than welcome to get completely shit-faced. I won’t judge.” He said with a smirk.

She took his hand and he helped her to her feet. Deadpool and the others looked over as she entered the room with Tony. He led her to the bar and pulled out a chair for her.

“What will it be?” The billionaire asked, whilst rolling his sleeves up.

“Strongest shit you got.”

He smiled and grabbed one of his bourbons.

“You got it.”

He poured her a glass and handed it over. She downed it and he nodded. He refilled it and handed Bella an ice cold beer as well.

“Oh that seems like a great idea.” Spider-Man sarcastically remarked.

“A little faith…” Tony remarked with a hinting wink.

Thor shook his head and Deadpool plopped down beside her. The merc hadn’t much choice. It wasn’t like he could teleport to freaking Asgard and even if he figured out a way, he was greatly outnumbered. Even Deadpool knew not to pull something that ignorant. At the moment, he had to do whatever was best for his wife. He’d deal with Loki when the time game. But he truly meant it… If and when given the chance – Loki would surely meet his demise and it would be at the merc’s hands.

Tony looked on rather impressed as Wade humming amongst himself and tending to her leg. Tony gathered what he was doing. He had waited until she was distracted and boozed up. Peter collected whatever he needed. She’d wince every once in a while as he stitched her up. But she stayed perfectly still and let him do whatever he needed. Peter made the cut her off motion as she reached for another shot. Tony sighed and downed the shot himself.

“Sorry big brother over there says you’re done. Otherwise Uncle Tony would let you have more.”

She turned to Peter with a frown. Peter sort of laughed and rubbed the back of his neck, uncomfortably. And just as Tony assumed, Bella started spilling out the beans. She spoke of Aldrich and Loki, the dimension with the portals and the stones within that she was meant to gather, and she mentioned the entity Deadpool knew to be Death. And this was exactly what Tony hoped for…

The more Bella talked, the more she seemed to remember. But it at a price as it was causing her physical pain. Deadpool eyed Tony down and he gathered the hint. He handed her a napkin and grabbed his phone. He sent Dr. Banner a text letting him know he was needed, ASAP.

Bella came off the stool and faced the merc, in a drunken fashion.

“Can you take me back to that place?”

“And where might that be, babycakes?”

She looked confused for a moment.

“The one with the gun and dogtags…”

He reared back in surprise. Tony was about to mention that Dr. Banner was on his way, when they disappeared.

“Well shit…” he murmured.

“What?” Peter asked.
“Dr. Banner’s on his way and the patient just left. And was it just me or was she having some sort of breakthrough.”
“Nah… I saw it too. It’s like she’s picking up bits and pieces.”
Tony nodded and Thor looked to be in thought. But something about his mannerisms had Tony on edge.

“So… It’s just us three now… Time for a little truth or dare and I pick… THOR! Truth now… Where is Loki?”

Thor reared back looking somewhat offended.

“Come now… This wouldn’t be the first time you mentioned Asgardian law, in order to keep lil bro protected. And there’s not a chance in hell you got him back to Asgard, not that easily. Whatever he’s using… It’s got quite the pinch. So do you mind filling us in? Considering we’re a team and all?”

“I’m handling it.”
“And what do you mean by that exactly?”
“It means what I just said. I am handling the situation. There is no need for your concern.”

Peter rolled his eyes.


“You will talk to me with more respect.”

“Respect?! That’s my friend’s life you’re fucking with!” Peter barked.

“You have not seen what I have… It seems my brother has gathered feelings for the young maiden.”

“Maiden? That girl is no maiden… She’s family to the X-Force and married to one of the world’s most deadly mercenaries. And don’t even get me started on those “feelings”. Your brother nearly wiped out our planet!”
“That was years ago.”
“Oh and we just let bygones be bygones, right?”
“I never said as such. But even Loki deserves a second chance. You’ve not seen what I have.” Thor reiterated.

But even as Thor said this, he cringed on the inside. He felt somewhat conflicted. Whereas he’d seen where Loki had fallen for this Midgardian warrior, he’d also seen where he’d treated her as nothing more than a minion of his. Thor was convinced he could get through to him, if given the chance. He just needed to get his brother one on one and make him realize that what he’s doing will surely kill her. And he knew that wasn’t something Loki would want.

“I’m still on the whole “kneel before me” scene…” Tony scoffed.

Thor sighed on this.

“As I’ve already stated, this is no affair of yours. I will deal with Loki, personally.”

“And why did I call to you?”

Thor rolled his eyes and Tony slammed his fist down.

“You just fucked this girl over! BIG TIME! Fat lot of good you did!”

“I know what I’m doing!” Thor growled in return.

“If something happens to that girl, it’s all on you!”

Tony let out a grunt as Thor had him in his grasp.

“HEY!” Peter shouted as Thor was choking him.

He was about to intervene, when Tony held up a hand. He activated his bracelet and once his hand was fully enclosed by the gauntlet he fired off a blast. Thor was sent flying back. Tony tumbled about the ground and hopped to his feet. He adjusted the collar to his suit and rolled his head about his shoulders.


Watch yourself, bub. You’ve no idea who you’re messing with. That girl is one of OURS! And mark my words. If she dies we will bury you and your brother!”

“And… thank you, Jarvis!” Tony sarcastically threw out as he had no warning on Logan’s arrival.

“Mrs. Stark allowed him in, sir.”

“Oh did she now?”
“Yes, sir.”
Huh… I wasn’t aware she was even home.”

Deadpool was kicked back on the bed, when Bella retrieved the box from underneath. She lifted the lid and ran her fingers along the gun. Deadpool rolled over as she was checking the chamber. She tucked the gun behind her pants.

“You’re not gonna try and blow your brains out again, are ya?”

She shook her head and picked up the dogtags.

“Yours…” She questioned.

“Yours actually, I gave them to you.”

“For luck…” Bella whispered, remembering the vision she had when she first came into contact with them.

“I could use some “luck” about now…” She added, whilst putting them on.

“I was hoping you could use something that rhymed with that instead.”

She sort of blushed and laughed.

“Are you always so…”

“Pervy?” she whispered and he nodded eagerly.

“Yep and you love it! You love the D!”
“You mean Deadpool?”

“Eh, well him too!” he said with a miserable sigh.

He patted the area beside him.

“Come… let’s just chill for a minute. Then we can head back.”


He nodded. She looked to the dogtags, then back to him.

“So you’re this Wade Wilson guy… but you’re also Deadpool?
“Crazy, huh?”

She nodded and lay beside him. She looked to the ceiling and had the tags in hand.

“This is so frustrating…” she said with a quivery lip.

“Hey, none of that now, pookie. We’re gonna get your memory back. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

She turned, facing him.

“So we’re mercenaries… and that Logan and Nathan guy… they work with us?”

“Eh… something like that. Let’s just say you and I have our own missions outside the X-Force.”
“Yeah, it’s the name Cable came up with for our team. A bit much if you ask me. It’s the whole X thing… Like he thought I wouldn’t see past that…” he scoffed.


“X-Men… X-Force…”

Still, she looked lost.

“I’ll explain when you’re older…”

“Did we love each other?”

He brushed a strand of hair away from her face and nodded.

“Was I happy?”

“I believe so.”

“Were you?”

She nodded.

“I’m trying…” she said with a touch of desperation.

“I know…” he replied with utmost sincerity.

He pulled her into his chest and there was the urge to pry out of his hold. But there was something else. Something she didn’t quite understand. Her eyes grew heavy and she felt all warm and tingly. Without even realizing it, she’d fallen asleep. Deadpool raised his brows once he took notice.

Huh… someone’s all tuckered out.” He murmured and kissed her forehead.

“Daddy’s gotcha.” He said and started to hum Close To You by The Carpenters.

Bella woke in a café. Before her was a plate of tacos and a single red rose lay beside it. She narrowed her eyes upon the clothes and the bib he had her in. Deadpool was sitting in front of her and stuffing his mouth. She had on a pair of blue jeans, a black tank top, and her X-Force combat boots.

“Wade?” she whispered in confusion.

He took a moment to chew and swallow.

“Hey, you’re awake! Look! Nom-noms!”

“How did we get here?”

“Teleported… duh.”

“And the clothes?”

He wrinkled his nose.

Static would kill us both if I let her wear that shit… Soooo, I stopped by the apartment and took care of that little situation.”

She wanted to be mad, but her stomach betrayed her with a growl. She eyed those tacos, in longing.

“Do I like these?”
“Oh yeah, and I got your favorite! See, chicken with tomatoes, Pico De Gallo, sour cream, and guac!”

“If you say so…”

He observed as she grabbed one of the tacos. She took a bite and let out a moan of gratification.

“Oh man… that’s sooo good.”

He chuckled as she scarfed that taco down and grabbed another.

“Told ya!”

Before long she finished off the entire plate. Deadpool waved the waitress over.

“Another Mrs. DP special!”

The waitress smiled.
“You got it.”

Bella reared back on this.

“Mrs. DP special?”

He nodded and took a sip off his beer. She looked around the café.

“Do we come here a lot.”
“Oh yeah… all the time, babe.”

He grabbed a menu and showed her the taco platters named after them.

“That’s so weird…”
“Not really. It’s our patronage that’s sending the owner’s little brat to college. How awesome is that?”
For once Deadpool kept quiet. He merely watched as she ate and drank to her heart’s content. After she finished, he hopped up and took her by the hand. He tossed a fifty on the table and headed on out the door. He crossed the street and walked for a couple more blocks.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see…”

She cut him a peculiar look as they entered a roller rink.

“Is this something we do?”
“Nope, but I figured why not!”

He propped her up on the counter and had her fitted for some rollerblades.

“What if I don’t know how?”

“That’s the point…” He said whilst wiggling his brows.

“I’m confused…”
“D’ aww of course you are… It’s okay, I forgive you.”

Once he had her ready to go, he brought her back down.

“What about you?” She asked as he was helping her to the skating rink.

“Mine are built in.”

She looked on in surprise as wheels popped out from his boots.

“How’d you…”

“Pretty fucking cool, huh?” He called out.

“Um… yeah actually.”

She gasped out as he let go. She reached out with widen eyes.


He chuckled and waved her off.

“You got this!”

He grimaced as she was heading straight for a wall.

“Ummm yeah, you don’t got this.”

He appeared just in time and managed to veer her back on track.

“You suck at this.”

“Gee, thanks!”

“You’re welcome.”

Ass…” she whispered and this odd flutter like sensation hit the merc.

The way she said that felt like old times again. He cleared his throat and wrapped his arm around her.

“I can’t do this.”
“Sure you can.”

He twirled her about and she lost her footing. He caught her and pulled her back towards him.

“Stop please… I just… I can’t.”

“You just gotta get the feeling for it.”


He came to a stop and cupped her chin. She closed her eyes was going into hysterics.

“Let go, babycakes.”

She had this panicked look about her.

“Not of me, everything you’re feeling right now, just let it go. Don’t think, don’t feel, just go with the flow.”

Yet again, he was taken by surprise as she clung to him and started to cry. He flipped some onlookers off and shooed them away. The merc went back to skating but had her arms and legs wrapped around him. Once he had her nice and calm. He brought her back down. He gave a simple nod and held her hand as they skated about the rink. Before long, she got it down and managed to smile.

“See, you’re a pro!” He called out.

She bravely let go and he watched as she skated on ahead. And that’s what he had hoped for. Something – anything to take her mind of the sheer amount of hell she’d been through. She spun back around and had a genuine beam to her. The merc’s heart skipped a beat and he gawked upon her in a stupor. Someone bumped into her and she was about to take nose-dive. He appeared just in time to break her fall.

“Ummm thanks…” She said behind a giggle.

“Got your back… always.” But as he said this, his hands were planted along her breasts and he gave them a firm squeeze.

Her jaw dropped.


He nodded and kept playing with them.

“Bewbs…” he murmured with a chuckle.

She slapped his hand away and he pouted.

“Come on, babe. Can I just have a little peek? Please?”

“Ugh… no!”


“Knock it off.” She said as he started to grab them, yet again.

She took off and he chased after her.

“Come on, Stella. Don’t be like that. Daddy’s in suffering!”

“At least let me look while I jerk off! It won’t even take me more than like two minutes tops, I promise!”

A mother had just skated past with her son and was covering his ears. She gaped upon Deadpool with a scowl.
“Oh please. What is he like 12? 13? You think he’s not touching himself at night?”

Her jaw dropped and the merc chuckled.

“Did you really just say that shit?” Bella scolded, once he caught up to her.

“What? He’s a growing boy! Hell, I was rocking it by the age of five!”
“That’s so wrong!”

“Yeah it was…”

She covered her mouth in laughter.

“Oh my god… I can’t believe I’m laughing at that.”

“You love my wit and I love your tits!”
“Is that what we’re calling it, wit?”

“I missed this…”

She turned, facing him.


He nodded. She wasn’t sure what to say to that or how to act even. All she knew was that she finally felt safe and happy. She didn’t quite understand it. There was something about this man that felt like “home”. But how? He was rude, loud-mouthed, clinically insane, and a perv. Yet on the other hand – he was sweet, caring, fun, and loving (when he wanted to be).

“Take off your mask…”

He stopped and look upon her as if she’d lost her mind.

“What? Here?”
“I just want to see…”

He shook his head.

“Nah… you don’t wanna see that shit. Besides, I already showed you. Once is more than enough.”

“You say we’re married, right?”

He nodded.

“Then what’s the big deal?”
“I’m not “Aldrich” or “Loki”, that’s what!” he snapped and she wrinkled her nose.

“They’re the same person… and it’s because of Loki we’re in this situation.”
“Yeah well, you must’ve seen something in him.”

She got this wounded look about her.

“Come on, babe. I’m just calling it the way I see it. Something about him must’ve pulled you in.”
“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation! Do you not get what’s truly taken place?!”

“You went missing and I find out not long after – you’re already shacked up with some other guy! A fucking “god” at that!”

She nodded and skated back towards the front desk. She took her skates off and darted on out the door. Deadpool sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I am such an ASSHOLE! MOTHERFUCKER! I had her and I lost her! GOD DAMMIT!” he shouted and everyone at the rink was looking his direction.

“Oh fuck off! Nosey little shits!”

“Stella!” He hollered once he was outside.

She flipped him off and kept on walking.

“Okay, so I had that coming. Look, I…”


She came to her knees and reached to her gut. She let out a cry of absolute agony. Wade took off his mask and walked on over. He helped her to her feet and lifted her chin with his fingers. At the moment, the merc had no words. So he just went with his gut. His lips locked with hers. He lifted her up off the ground and her legs wrapped around him. He kissed all along her neck and moved her about him.

“God, I want you so fucking bad… and yes, I’m talking about fucking you so hard – you’re going to need old baldy’s wheelchair by the time I’m done with you. Look at me!” Her eyes locked with his.

“I love you… and like it or not… I’m not giving up on us.”

He narrowed his eyes as hers widened. Blood was spilling out of the side of her mouth. It was then he noticed Loki’s staff sticking out from her abdomen. Loki’s teeth were gritted and he jerked the staff back out. He disappeared directly after. Deadpool laid her down and placed his hands along the wound, doing his best to stop the bleeding. He began to panic and not knowing what else to do, he grabbed ahold of her. They appeared back at Avenger headquarters.

“WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” Wade shouted upon Thor.

Dr. Banner rushed on over.

“…shit…” Peter uttered and went to assist Dr. Banner.


Thor had this guilt-ridden expression. Deadpool appeared before him and socked the living shit out of him.


Tony had just entered the room and this look of absolute shock about him. He blinked a few times as he adjusted to the chaotic scene before him. There was blood everywhere. Bruce nodded upon him gravely. “She’s lost too much blood.” He whispered.

Tony shook his head as his wife entered the room. She screamed into her hand and he quickly grabbed ahold of her.

“We gotta do something.” Tony hissed with desperation and Dr. Banner sighed.

“I haven’t quite perfected bringing back the dead.”

“Well, you better find a way, and fast. BEFORE the entire X-Force makes their appearance.” He replied as he held his wife. Logan had stepped out, but Tony knew he’d be back any second.

“Shit!” he called out as Thor and Deadpool were beating the hell out of one another.

Thor had punched Deadpool so hard – a good chunk of his face missing. He staggered back and shook it off. Within a flash, he appeared before Thor and drove his katanas into the god’s chest.

“I hope that hurts like the BITCH YOU ARE!”

“NOOO!” Spider-Man shouted as Thor called forth his hammer.

Before Spider-Man had the chance to intervene, Thor had Deadpool flying right on out the window.

“They’re going to kill each other!” He hollered.

“Don’t let them!” Tony and Bruce chorused.

Great! No pressure!” He called out as he fired off a web and took off after them.

Deadpool: “You just had to go and cockblock me, again… You evil bitch…”

Author: “Excuse me?”

Deadpool: “Seriously… There were no bewbs, strip clubs, or SEX in this chapter! This story sucks and so do you!”

Author: “That’s what he said…”

Deadpool: *snorts* Awesome…

(Please leave your comment/review. I will be updating A Webcatcher’s Dream next. But please give me a few days I have 15 chapters to read through so I can get back into it. I will be updating this one and Whistling Dixon again soon. Thank you!)

17 thoughts on “Chapter 5 Fifty First Dates”

  1. Oh my gosh, so good but so sad too. I have total faith they’re gonna come out on the other end but what a journey it’s gonna be.

  2. You evil little *edit*! How dare you leave it there! I had my Spidey action, some sweet Wade action, and hells, even pissy Loki is good! I had it all and you took it away – you evil, cliffhanging *edit*!

    “Daddy’s gotcha.” He said and started to hum Close To You by The Carpenters. – LOVED that. I always love how you can make Wade cheesy, funny, pervy and yet sincere at the same time.

    Love all the movie shout outs too! Superhero landing!!!!

    Now I just have to know what happens, so if you could post the next chapter riiiiiight now, that’d be great, mkay? Loves you, sweets!

  3. What’s up with Thor? I know Loki is his brother, but come on. All the crap his done and Thor thinks he can help him…how many people does Loki have to kill before Thor sees what he’s really like. sigh.
    And he thought because he loved Bella that he’d see the light? Well, he just tried to kill her I guess his thoughts of what Loki would do for his love was wrong…lol. Great update hon. I can’t wait to read more…thanks, until next time…bigg huggs.


  5. Awesome chapter!! So glad you’ve started updating this story again, its absolutely brilliant, sweet, funny and HOT! Wade & Bella are a great couple and I hope she rips Lokis Balls off

  6. I am so glad I finally got a chance to sit down and read this!! It was freaking fantastic!! I loved, loved, loved it!! I particularly like the little fourth-wall break at the end! 😉 Great job! Now I want some more!

  7. Duck all this drama has nt heart beating our like a crazy mofo. Wish she would just remember. Thor its a fucking dick and Loki is a loser. Love the chapter but pls let her remember…

Leave a Reply to angelicedg Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Welcome to my asylum! Where my favorite fandoms unite. There are cookies and milk somewhere…

Harley's Thought's

Welcome to my asylum! Where my favorite fandoms unite. There are cookies and milk somewhere...


My humble stories for your viewing pleasure


the free one


Rickie Bansbach - fanfiction and stuff

Brookie Twiling's Books

Because if a creative pandaowl will find the internet, why should the hyenacorn not share the skunk?


♫ fanfiction & creative writing by meekosan

An Awkward Elf

Fanfiction by Cuinawen

Missrissa81's Blog

This site is the cat’s pajamas

Addicted to Godric...Eric...Andre...(Sevrin)

Fanfiction & Etc. by Meridian (*psst* Bring coffee...)

4Padfoot's Blog

Wordpress Whisperer!

%d bloggers like this: