Chapter 9 Well Shit!

Chapter 9

I do not own Marvel or Twilight. Please read then review.

Bella stretches out across her husband’s chest. She felt his hand running along her back. She smiled at first until, she remembered where they were. Her eyes grew to that of saucers once she heard Charlie was up. The smell of coffee was already spreading throughout the house, just like it used to. She welcomed the familiar scent, yet it startled her. She hurriedly rolled out of bed. Bella quickly grabbed some clothes and she took off to go shower.

Her husband was still asleep when she returned to her room. His face was buried into her pillow. She pulled her hair back and looked out the window for a moment. She shuddered at the memory of Edward and how he used to help himself inside.

She heard a car door though and looked up. Unease swept over her once she gathered who it was. It was Billy and Jake Black.

“No fucking way…”She utters and turns back to Deadpool.

“Shit…” She whispers felling ill all over again.

If Jake acted anywhere near like he used to. He’d be one dead man. She quickly went over and shook Deadpool awake. He grunts and gripes into her pillow.

“There are much better ways of waking me up. You horribly suck when it comes to a man and his rest.”

Yeah and his morning wood!

Help a brother out!

Brother really? What is this Arkansas?

No its worse! It’s Washington!



“Ugh shut up!” Deadpool snaps at the voices.

“Excuse me?!”

“Not you babe the others.”

“The others?”

He nods and brings himself out of bed.

“Look we have guests. Guests in whom you also cannot kill Wade, I’m serious. You have to keep that temper of yours under control.”
“You sure are bossy you know! So you’re basically telling me I can’t kill one single person on this trip?!”

“That’s right Wade.”
“Babe I’m gonna start getting the shakes and go through withdrawals. Come on let me kill just one person?! I’ll let you pick even!”

“Absolutely not Wade, you can’t just kill to kill.”

“Sure you can, I do it all the time. It’s a great stress release!”

Bella turned to her husband.

“You really just go around killing people just to do it?”

He shrugs.

“What the fuck Wade…?”

He sighs.

“You knew this already.”

“Um no, I knew that was something you did in your PAST not currently speaking and I also thought you only killed when it was necessary, like a job or something a bit more meaningful. Jesus who the fuck am I married to?”

“Relax, I only kill the ones that have it coming to them and trust me there’s a lot of them. I never get bored baby!”

“Oh my God!”

“Just Wade is fine pumpkinbutt.”

He pops her on the rear and gets ready. Bella rolls her eyes and makes her bed. Her hands were shaking and her heart was racing. Deep down she just knew her husband was going to put Jake in a wheelchair right beside Billy. She cringed in thought. Jake was too hands on, mouthy, and had no issue flirting with her no matter the circumstances. In fact she was just about to tell her husband she wanted to teleport back home. She didn’t think it worth the risk after all. However, she turned back around and Wade was gone.

“Shit, shit, fucking SHIT!” Bella hysterically panicked she ran out of her room.

She was running so fast to get downstairs she nearly fell. To make matters worse. Fucking Jacob Black caught her. Her eyes widened and she quickly fled out of his arms. He smiled ear to ear.

“Well hey there loco.”

“Um hey Jake…”

Bella desperately looked around for her husband. She took in a sigh of relief as she heard the shower start upstairs.

“What’s with you? You’re all like jumpy. You alright?”

“Yep…” She says with a bit of high pitched flare to it.

That nervous laugh returns.

“Um Jake… there’s something’s we need to discuss.”

He raises his brows.

She turns to see her father looking to her a certain way.

“He slept in your room last night didn’t he?!” Charlie barks.

Jake lowers his brows and looks to Bella peculiarly.

“Dad please…”

Billy too was looking to the Swan’s in wonder. Charlie merely shakes his head looking pissed.

Bella wanted to fire back that they were married, but she didn’t want to discuss her personal issues around the Blacks. They were too nosy as it was.

“Who slept in your room Bella?” Jake whispered doing that innocent pup face.

She sighs.

“That’s what I need to talk to you about.”

“Please tell me you’re not still dating that asshole.” He was referring to Edward.

Clearly word of their demise hadn’t got out yet.

“Um if you’re talking about Edward no, that’s been over…”

“Apparently, my daughter has a thing for assholes.”


“I am being serious! You honestly think this marriage will last?! The guy is a walking time bomb Bells. He’s clinically deranged and he doesn’t deserve you! He’s so disrespectful it’s almost a damn joke!”

Charlie flinches and he takes back the deepest of breaths.

“I can give him that much Bells hun. I owe him and big time. However, you as the prize? That doesn’t fly with me. That was never the agreement!”

“Dad we’ve been through this. I’m not going over it all over again with you today. I love you and I always will. But you can’t talk me out of this. My mind is made up. You’re going to have to accept that I love him as well. I take no shame in that. If you’d give him a chance…”

“His mouth alone makes me want to blow his damn brains out!”

Bella starts to softly laugh. Her father cocks a brow at this. She clears her throat.

“I’m glad you find that amusing.” Charlie scoffs with annoyance.

Billy and Jake look to one another then back to Charlie and Bella.

“Married?!” They both chorus.

“UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!” Bella groans out and she waves her hands in the air with frustration.

She exits the house for a moment. Bella thought she’d hurl. She leaned over the patio and took in several breaths. She felt a warm hand along her back it made its way down to the slope of her back.

“Jake, I wouldn’t do that.”

“Bella what’s going on? What did Charlie mean by marriage?”

“Let’s go for a walk Jake.” She hoped this was one way to keep from bloodshed.

He shrugs and takes her hand. She promptly moves hers away from his. He sighs and rolls his eyes.

“You can’t do that kind of stuff anymore. Trust me Jake… Just no more touchy feely stuff. Honestly, you shouldn’t have been doing it to begin with.”

He chuckles a bit.

“Still in denial I see…” He comments with a grin as they head into the woods.


He nods with full confidence.


“Your feelings for me.”

She has a good laugh at this.

“OH really?”

He nods again.

“I see you haven’t changed a bit Jake. Like usual your head is in the clouds. Is it that hard for you to see, that we’ll never be anything more than friends?”

Deadpool cocked a brow as he heard this. He’d been discreetly following them for the last minute.

“Come on Bella… What’s stopping you with Edward not in the picture? I mean that was it, wasn’t it? Your reason for always pushing me away… The blood sucker…”

Bella stops and looks to him oddly.

“Why would you say that?”

“Say what?”

“That blood sucker comment.” She questions curiously.

She wasn’t aware he knew they were vampires. Jake half laughs realizing he’d just given himself away, without even thinking. He clears his throat a bit.

“Come on Bella it wasn’t that hard to figure out. The guy looked at you as if you were a meal.”

“No Jake, that’s not it. You said those stories were just legends… So why would you make that comment. How’d you know they were vampires?”

Jake sighs and shakes his head.

“Are you telling me the legends are true after all? About the pale faces and the warriors that were shape shifters?”

She was just now piecing it all together. The thought never occurred to her…. If the pale faces were real after all… then wouldn’t that make the shape shifters just as real? Jake rolls his eyes.

“Just tell me Jake!”

“You first! What’s this about you being married again? That’s like a joke your pulling with Charlie right?”

He looks down curiously. He takes her hand and looks to the ring.

“Bella please tell me this is something just to get back at Charlie for. This can’t be real… right? I mean you’re just in high school and… I mean, it’s just not possible.”

“Jake this is very real and I’m 18 so yes it is possible.”

“What the hell Bella are you knocked up or something? I mean what’s going on? This doesn’t even sound like you?!”

“Jake…” She utters exasperatedly.

“No offense, but I don’t think you know me near as much as you wish to claim.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? I damn sure know you better than Edward Cullen does!”

“What is it with you? Why do you always compare yourself to him?”

“I don’t.”

“Sure you don’t…” She says with the rolling of the eyes.


He grabs her and pins her up against a tree.

“Because I’m better for you! I always have been. I’d take care of you Bella. But you’re too damn foolish to see a good thing, when it’s looking you right in the face! So who’s the guy Bella huh? What kind of trouble have you gotten yourself into now? That’s all it ever is with you! TROUBLE!”

“Jake, trust me you better back up.”

Jake laughs.

“I’d never hurt you Bella. You know that.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about.”

He tilts his head a bit.

“I missed you…” He caresses her cheek.

Bella steps out from under his arm. She takes a few steps away from him.

“Jake, I mean it you got to stop that kind of stuff.”

“What’s with you?”
Bella stops and turns to face him. She felt herself boiling.

“For one thing I’m married! Secondly, I never liked you touching me like that. I knew it always meant more to you than it did me I never saw you like that Jake. I never will I’m sorry, but it’s just how it is! I love my husband.”

He sighs and reaches out. He grabs her arm and yanks her towards him.


“Just one kiss and you’ll see. I promise. I’ll leave you alone after that. I just need you to see.”


But she said not to kill anyone

Who cares she’s his fucking wife! HIS!

If he kills him, Bella will do that whimpering crying sappy shit women do.

Ugh not that…

I know right…


Bella decks Jake across the face.

“What part of I’m married don’t you get?! JESUS JAKE!” She grabs her hand like she’s hurt it.

Jake sighs.

“Let me see.”
“What the fuck are you made of Jake?” She holds her hand to her chest as the pain shoots through her arm.

He chuckles.

“Come on now, let me see your hand.”

Deadpool appears behind him and taps him on the shoulder. Jake turns.

“Dude, what the hell?”

“Is that wet dog I smell?” Deadpool sniffed the air and shook his head trying to figure it out.

“Who the hell are you?”

“I’m her fucking husband.”

Deadpool punches him in the face. Bella gasps back as they both start swinging at one another.


Deadpool stops as he has Jake in a choke hold. He looks to his wife.

“You said I couldn’t kill anyone! He’ll live. He’s just going to wish he hadn’t!” He bellows furiously.

He tosses Jake across the woods.


He takes off after Jake. Jake came back to his feet, he was trembling all over. Bella shrieked out as he morphed into a massive russet wolf. He soared across the woods and landed on Deadpool.

“NOOOOOOO!” She took off running their direction.


She threw a rock at Jake’s face. He turned to her and growled. This only further pissed Deadpool off.

“Can I kill him?”


“Wade baby please…”

She reaches to her heart and staggers back a bit. He sighs as Jake swipes his claws across his chest. The stinging pain coursed through Deadpool momentarily. The claws had ripped through his suit and deep into his flesh.


Deadpool laughs at his wife’s comment.

“She thinks you’re hurting me. She’s just so cute sometimes.” He sighs as if in love.

Deadpool flips the pin onto Jake.

“Now you listen here rabid mutt. That there is MINE! I don’t want you touching, smelling, or even fucking coming around her. You’ve made it more than obvious your intentions with her. So I’m personally offering you an exit out of her life. If you’re wise you’ll take it! I just got rid of one little shit ass motherfucker that didn’t know how to take no for an answer. What makes you think I’ll even bat an eye about mounting your fucking head on my god damn wall?!Hell I’ll even offer it a stogie! I might not have my weapons on me. But my body alone is one hell of a one. Shape shifter or not you’re no match for me kid! I’d snap your neck like a twig and piss all over the rest of ya! Ka-peach?”

Jake whines out as Deadpool snaps his paw back and breaks it.

“Let that be a warning! If it wasn’t for her I’d be keeping that hand! NOW GET LOST!”

Jake takes off limping throughout the woods. Bella rushes up to her husband. She starts checking him over. He raised his brows expecting to get slapped or yelled at. Instead she was running her hand along the claw marks. She peeked through the marks in his suit. She saw he was already healing. She took in a breath of relief. He was taken back as she wrapped her arms around him and leaned into him. He cautiously patted her on the back. He hadn’t a clue what to make of this. Why wasn’t she flipping out and yelling at him?

What’s happening?!

Um yeah is this normal?

Is she like… caring about him?


I’m freaking out man!

Oops and there it is…


“Um Wade baby?”


She giggles a bit.

“Do you have a boner?”

“Do I?”

He looks down.

“Huh… well whattya know?!”

“So… everything just pretty much leads to sex with you?”
“When it comes to you babe? Eh, yeah… pretty much!”
She exhales.

“You did good Wade… You didn’t kill him. Besides apparently the legends are true. He’ll heal.”

He raises his brows on this.

“So that’s it?” He questions oddly.

She shrugs and starts heading back.

“You’re like ok with what I did?”

She nods.
“I did warn him… He had it coming. You showed incredible restraint. I couldn’t be prouder.”

Deadpool becomes frozen. He just stands there as if struck by lightning.

Did that just happen?

I think it did.

Is this a trick?

Bella packs some of her things and Deadpool teleports them back to the apartment. She was glad to have her own clothes again. Charlie meanwhile sat in suffering. He was on his fourth beer watching a game. They decided to stay until the morning because Bella had to get her transcripts from Forks in order to attend school back in New York.

As Deadpool was helping her gather some things he ran across a photo album. It had a picture of her and Edward. He shrugged and ripped it in half he stuffed the one of Bella in his suit and threw the one of Edward in the toilet. He peed on it first before flushing it.

Bella spent some time alone with her father whilst Deadpool continued to move something’s. She finished the game with him and they talked about things that hadn’t anything to do with the situation. She asked him how work was going etc…

Once again she fixed them some supper. Everyone was surprising quiet, even Deadpool. After everyone was done Bella cleared off the table. Deadpool and Charlie were sitting in the living room. Bella had begun to do the dishes.

She looked up to see someone in black passing by the window. What had her unnerved? They were in the back yard. She narrowed her eyes trying to see who it was. That’s when she saw the men with guns surrounding the house. She counted three so far. They were dressed in black and wore ski masks.

He heart galloped within her chest. She inched away from the window.

“Wade…” She softly called with alarm.

He looked back from the couch. Charlie also looked her direction in wonder. She backed up against the table. Sudden shots were fired though out the house. Deadpool immediately grabbed his wife. He brought her down to the floor and covered her taking the hits. Charlie ducked behind the couch. Charlie hurriedly crawled about the floor. He got to his gun case. He slid a rifle and handgun towards his daughter and Deadpool. Charlie then got up against the wall as he loaded his shotgun. Deadpool set up the handgun and handed it to his wife.

They began firing again. Deadpool quickly grabbed Charlie by the ankle yanking him down swiftly. Bella shrieked out seeing the holes in the wall from where Charlie had been standing.

“STAY DOWN!” Deadpool shouted in his face. He shoved Charlie towards Bella.

Deadpool then came to his feet. She nods as he rises up off her. The men were reloading outside. He tilted his head and listened. He aimed his gun towards the door. Sure enough it was busted down. Four men ran inside. Deadpool began shooting. He suddenly turned and aimed towards Charlie and Bella. A gunman had snuck through the backyard door. He had a gun right at Bella’s head. Deadpool was first to fire beating the guy to the punch. The guy fell dead right on top of Bella. She gasped out, but didn’t have time to think as more men came in through the front and back. She and Charlie began firing. Deadpool was taking out the ones coming through the living area. Charlie’s eyes widened as his daughter hit one of the men right in the forehead.

Charlie hopped up and quickly threw down the refrigerator. He shoved the body off his daughter. Charlie grabbed Bella and dragged her by the collar as she kept shooting at the men. They got behind the fridge and took cover. Deadpool picked up Charlie’s coffee table. He hurled it at the men coming towards Bella and Charlie. They fell to the floor. He leaped over and rapidly bashed their heads into the floor, killing them instantly.

They looked to one another in silence. Deadpool continued to listen and look around. When he sees the coast is clear. He looks to Charlie.

“Friends of yours?”

Bella looks to her father.


He sighs and pinches his eyes shut.

“I should’ve never brought him here.”

“Him?! Him who dad?”

He looks to Deadpool.

“The man that talked me into hiring him.”

“YOU WHAT?!” Bella yelled and came to her feet.

“You brought the man here?! What were you thinking dad?! Jesus, even I’m not that freaking stupid!”

Sirens are heard outside red and blue lights shine about the walls. One of the officers gets on a loudspeaker.

“Come out with your hands up!”

“Dad… What have you done?!”

“Get her out of here… please.” Charlie said looking directly to Deadpool.

Before Bella can even argue this, Deadpool takes off with her. They appear back at the apartment.



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